Tuesday, January 10, 2012

Celebrate the Scale!!!

Hi everyone!

Since I go to my Weight Watchers meeting and The Biggest Loser comes on tonight as well, it just seemed that scales were the natural topic for the evening.  Why on earth would I want to do this??? 

Why on earth would I want to share these thoughts with the world.  Well that is pretty easy really.  A scale is no longer something that I hide from or pretend that I lost in a move; now scales are things of beauty that I treasure.  The scale is now my friend and the means with which this caterpillar intends to use to come out of her cocoon and become the butterfly she was always meant to be.

Now if I were to write and make you think that all this journey took was for me to walk into a Weight Watchers meeting; that I had merely been lacking in self control and now had figured this out and was good to go, then I would not be giving you the truth.  In order for any one to transform themselves in any way shape or form, in order to be successful - and this is the important part - then they must first do some real soul searching.

Everyone has a story, what is your story??  How was I able to start putting my story into tangible words so that I could start this metamorphosis?   Well it is funny how often we find ourselves face down in tragedy before we can look up to see the moon and the stars. 

This time last year I was on top of the world.  I knew God had big plans for my life.  However, on a beautiful, sunny spring day, March 19th to be exact, all of these plans would come to a screeching halt.  Heading into the first spring for Curiosity Cottage, baseball season was going to be bigger for me, in terms of embroidery orders, than Christmas…and that was HUGE!! 

My friends in Sunday School, both male and female, were so excited about what God was doing for my little business.  Each Sunday, as I would tell them about my experiences for the week, more than once I would be stopped after Sunday School and told how this progress just gave them goose bumps as they watched the AMAZING plans God obviously had for my life.

So on this March day, due to someone’s gross negligence, as I tried to bring my son a drink at his ball game, I would have a terrible fall.  A fall that would take me 9 months to recover from; a fall that I am still working to get stronger from; and a fall that brought my thriving business progress to a screeching halt.  Yes, on this day I was not worried about the golf ball size knot on my head or the apparent concussion, all I knew was that I could not move my arm and had way too much embroidery for this.

Slowly the days for my recovery turned into days, which turned into weeks and then my recovery time turned into months.  Through the excruciating pain and tears; I did not loose faith; I knew God had a plan.  I have a tendency to work extremely hard to take care of my little family…and while I know God does help those who help themselves, I have come to believe that He really wanted me to see that talent or not, even if I am hurt, He will provide for the needs of my children and myself.  Ok Lord…have this lesson down, my arm is getting stronger, life is slowly returning to normal, lets do this…lets show that miracles really do happen.  But then my life would be torn totally apart once more.

On July 5th, in the middle of the baseball All-Star games, my brother and I would have to check our mom into the hospital.  As I have shared in my past posts, my mom passed away just a few short weeks later on August 22nd.  She had only been diagnosed with IPF lung disease 13 days prior.  It was during this both mentally and physically exhausting ordeal that this caterpillar knew she had to get out of her cocoon. 

I was not sure while I was in this storm exactly what all of these thoughts and feelings meant at the time, but I once more clung to the promise that God only wants good for His children like a life raft in the middle of shark infested waters.  As our days at the hospital turned into weeks, my brother and I started writing down the things that mom would say.  It all seemed so surreal, like I was in a movie…and it was then that I knew I had to write this story.  So each day we would take turns taking notes about the things she would tell us.

In the four months since her passing I have written and written and written.  It has been such a liberating experience!!!  My PhD course work taught me one thing, how to research and research I have!!  With each interview and word added I would discover more and more about my life.  Yes, there have been times when this process has been incredibly painful…to the point that I had a dear friend tell me just before Christmas “you know Jen, you are truly a miracle.”  I laughed through the tears as I replied, “I only want my story to help other people write their own.”  This one novel is turning into three as I put the pieces of the puzzle of my life together.  As the puzzle goes together, so do I.  Each new piece added helps this caterpillar get that much closer to breaking out of this cocoon and being able to fly once and for all.

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