Sunday, March 11, 2018

I Never Knew Normal

Hi everyone! 

    Isn’t it funny how out of the blue the pieces that make up the puzzle of our life just seem to fall into place?  Like things just start to make sense.  I have spent years trying to pick up the pieces of not one, but two failed marriages.  It really sucks when it reaches the point that you have to number your ex-husbands.  So over the past couple of years I have really tried to evaluate what I did wrong.  I forgot to mention that I am also a domestic violence survivor, not once but twice.  You would think I would have known better the second time around.  Unfortunately those of us who have earned this badge of survival and have lived to tell about it didn’t know at the time that we were signing up for “Survivor, Real Life Edition.”   Who, what, when, where, and why are not what is on my mind right now. What is important to me as I embrace my golden years is how to not let it happen again.  I am not just doing this for my sake, but my hope and prayer is that what I have learned I can pass on to my kids.  My hope and prayer is that I might be able to be a lighthouse for someone else in the middle of the storm. 

     There are countless books, magazines, and articles in cyberspace to point out potential pit falls.  A lot of these things we have already read, but often times when our rose colored glasses are on we don’t see the glare coming off the red warning sirens.  We don’t realize that their quest to sweep us off of our feet at lightning speed is really them just sweeping us into their web of control, lies, and deception.  We don’t realize that we are throwing away our friends and family.  We don’t realize that we are about to cause near irreparable damage to our self-esteem and sometimes bodies. 

     I have spent the last three years reading and studying and watching every chick flick known to man.  My kids call me the Queen of the Hallmark channel.  Deep down, I think I have done this so that I could picture the perfect man.  The one sent from above.  The one sent on the white horse with the flowers in hand.  But in the midst of my Hallmark coma, a funny thing happened.  A random phone call, an innocent business meeting brought someone completely unexpected into my life.  A puzzle piece that I never saw in the box.  A person whose brain clicked faster than my creative brain every hoped to.  A man that worked harder than anyone I had ever known.  A man, who may not be warming the pew of a church every Sunday, but who had a heart for people and his kids like no one I had ever known.  This rare beast that I was not familiar with was kind, considerate, and compassionate. 

     Then one day it hit me out the blue, maybe because I had been so busy working I hadn’t had time to watch Hallmark as of late.

What I realized was that I had never known normal!!

     Through this unexpected friendship, I realized that I was learning what normal looks like.  When this epiphany came to me, I had to sit down and let the full weight of this realization sink in.  It was like I had been asleep for years or like I had finally ditched the glasses.  I think the archaeological dig I had been on to save myself also allowed for me to look at the puzzle pieces that were left in the rubble of my past.  Pushing past that pain I gave myself permission to look at the remains.  I had only known the back of a hand; the blows of hateful words; the pain of lies and deceit.  I had never known normal. 

     I am a people person who has always felt the need to try and save the world.  If prince charming was a lost cause, I felt I could turn him into the king of the castle.  Don’t get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with helping people.  There is a huge difference between helping people and having someone who is drowning in life try to take our life vest and pull us to the bottom. 

     What I was learning about normal was that normal made you smile, normal had a loving relationship with his kids, normal put family first not his own wants and needs, normal may not understand my creative projects, but he was always willing to help me find the odds and ends I needed to create them.  Normal might not have understood why I write, but he never had a problem giving me the space to write, as long as I made sure that I left room to help him finish his projects.  Normal has always been respectful and normal was not out to have a scandalous, inappropriate relationship.  Normal will always be a man’s man with a soft heart chasing his own dreams, no different than me trying to chase my own.

     And though today is normal’s birthday, what I have come to realize is that I am the one that has indeed been given the gift because I finally know what normal looks like.  If you are fortunate enough to know a precious treasure like this man, I encourage you to tell him because they are very rare and precious gifts.  Until we meet again!

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